


future outcasts, they don't last

by familyheathen



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Father and daughter, Gen, Homelessness, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Female Character, Trans Peter Parker, Transgender Peter Parker, mtf peter parker, not part of "peter parkers bc (haha)", t1d peter parker, type one diabetes, type one diabetic peter parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:46:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/familyheathen/pseuds/familyheathen
Summary: Peter Parker knows three things. 1. Her name isn't Peter. 2. She's not a boy. 3. She's alone in this.





	1. mirror image, see no damage

**Author's Note:**

> she doesnt have a name for now, it's explained in the first three paragraphs. 
> 
> yes, she has type one diabetes. no, this is not an extension of my "peter parker's bs (haha)" series (you can find that here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1336912)

She didn’t have a name anymore. She didn’t even know if she wanted one. Not here. Not now. Not feeling like this, at least. It’d be useless. No use in having a name nobody knows. She’d rather be out helping someone, but she was hungry, alone, freezing, crying, hyperventilating without the will to approach a calm.

 

She lost her name for the first time a few years ago. She built her first laptop at age thirteen. She devoured her first non-academic taste of the internet. While the computer fell apart after only months, she built a desktop soon after, and learned how to wiggle her way into her neighbors wi-fi. This wasn’t the first time she’d heard the word _transgender_ , but it was the first time she got a _real_ look into the experience. Except, it wasn’t; the parallels terrified her.

 

She lost her name for the second time a few days prior. She planned to take her aunt’s maiden name, Reilly, as her own. The plan was shattered, along with her last glimpse of hope, when her aunt told her that she would rather have a dead nephew than a living niece. She told May that it was okay, and that she’d just have a dead niece, then. She’d already had her backpack just inside her unlatched bedroom window. That night she snuck out for the last time.

 

But she didn’t kill herself. She was just sleeping on the February sidewalks of Queens, so she might as well.

 

***

 

 _Spider-Woman_ . The words crossed her mind as she was patrolling, duffel bag webbed to the underside of a dumpster. What she would give to hear that, even once. Too late. She already fought _Captain America_ while the world knew her as Spider-Man. They anonymity was the only thing keeping her sane. Not like she could ever pass under a suit that clings to her body like this anyways. Yeah, she hates that suit.

 

It’s not like she even had anything to tell anyone anymore. She kinda had MJ, and Ned, and while they’d surely try hard to use her pronouns, she doesn’t have a name. And she’s _really fucking sick_ of hearing Peter.

 

She patrolled late into the night, but never found anything to occupy her. Guess the muggers were tired of getting caught. Guess she is too.

 

***

 

Tony couldn’t sleep again. He hadn’t heard from her in almost a week. He’d texted her once, to ask if she wanted to spend the weekend working on suit upgrades, then once more, that Sunday, telling her that he hopes she’s okay, and there’s always next weekend. He worried slightly when she hadn’t responded either times. One thing led to another, and he hacked her Powerschool account, as to not worry her aunt by a call. He saw she hadn’t been to school at all that week. Tony began to unhinge.

 

“Mr. Stark, you are showing signs of distress, would you like me to alert someone?” FRIDAY announced to Tony’s lab.

 

“Tell me where my goddamn kid is.” Tony muttered, biting at his thumb.

 

“Would you like me to locate the tracking device installed in Mr. Parker’s suit?”

 

“Yes- no, god! I don’t know! Yes! Find him, FRI. Please.”

 

“Locating tracking device now.”

 

Tony exhaled. “Thank you.”

 

“Peter is dormant in an alleyway in Queens. His suit is registering vitals. He seems to be asleep. Would you like me to send him a message?”

 

“What? Why is Pete in an alleyway? Is he hurt?”  

 

“Mr. Parker does not appear to be injured, but is showing signs of potential hypoglycemia. It is also raining, so hypothermia is a risk at the current temperature.”

 

Tony thought for a moment. Peter’s CGM hadn’t been reading..

 

“Can you give me the coordinates, FRI?”

 

“Yes, sir. They will be sent to your phone’s GPS immediately.”

 

***

 

Tony decided on driving to him. He didn’t bother telling Pepper he’d be leaving. He just needed to get to his kid. The thirty minute drive felt like an eternity.

 

He eventually found the exact alleyway that she laid asleep in. Her head rested atop of her bag. She wore her suit under her clothes; Tony saw the red fabric peeking over the top of her hoodie. Her clothes and hair were soaked, sticking to her skin.

 

Tony slowly made his way to her, pressure building in his chest.

 

He knelt next to her, and nudged her shoulder. “Hey, Pete, wake up.”

 

The girl stirred, immediately putting her guard up. She blocked her face with her forearms. “St-stop. Don’t hurt me-”

 

“Hey- _hey_ , kidkidkid. It’s okay. It’s me- it’s Tony, Mr. Stark.” Tony rested his hands on her wrists.

 

She sat up, taking a moment to register him. “T-Tony? Wh- Why are you here? H-How did you find me?” Her voice shook.

 

“Your suit has a tracking device. You never texted me back. I was worried.”

 

The girl chewed her lip. Her breathing hastened. She looked at Tony in confusion. “Wh- My phone’s been de-dead. I-”

 

“Underoos- calm down. Kid- kid. Chill. You’re okay. Let’s get you somewhere warm and dry, it’s late. You don’t have to explain yourself right now. It’s okay. C’mon. Let’s go home.”

 

Her breath caught in her throat. Tony helped her up, and carried her bag. She bit her tongue, too tired to voice her anxiety. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go somewhere that didn’t exist for her. _She wanted to go home_.

 

***

 

The girl woke up in the back seat of Tony’s car. The radio was off, something uncharacteristic of him. She heard the engine turn off and the soft tapping of the rain on the garage roof.

 

Her door opened. “Come on, kid. I’ll get your bag.”

 

Tony led the path into the house. He pressed the door open, and was greeted by Pepper sitting at the kitchen island.

 

“Where were you?” she immediately said.

 

Tony looked at her. “I had to go get Peter.” he said, right as she walked in.

 

The girl waved. Pepper smiled.

 

“Hey, Pete. Tony, why’d you have to pick him up? Where was he? Wh-”

 

Tony spoke dully. “Pepper, I don’t know. I didn’t interrogate him. He just needs to rest.”

 

“Mist- Tony. Co-could I shower before I go to bed?”

 

Tony’s face softened. “You don’t have to ask, kid. Of course.”

 

Tony lead the kid to a semi-modest guest space in the house. Tony set her duffel bag on the ground. She began to pull clothes out of it.

 

“Don’t wear anything out of there, it’s all wet. I’ll get you some pjs, just go on and get in the shower. There’s towels and soap in there.”

 

She looked up at him. “Thank you.”

 

He left her to shower while he fetched her pajamas. She made her way into the bathroom. She pulled her hoodie off, allowing it to fall to the floor. She continued to strip, leaving herself standing in front of the mirror, in only boxers. She looked at herself intently.

 

She was just starting to stare a little too hard. Her hands were just starting to shake. A knock interrupted her thoughts.

 

“Hey, I got your pajamas. You decent?” Tony called.

 

She unlocked the door and opened it slightly, just enough to get clothes passed through the crack.

 

“The pants are Pepper’s. She said you’d like the fabric.”

 

She took the pink, fuzzy, hello kitty pants from him. It was wadded up with a pair of socks and an AC/DC t-shirt. She smiled at the articles.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me for every little thing, Pete. I forgot to ask earlier, but are you hungry? I could make or order you something.”

 

“Oh, uh, maybe soup or something. I’m not picky.”

 

Tony gave a haphazard thumbs-up, and smiled as a word-less goodbye.

 

The girl laid her clothes on the bathroom counter. She got into the shower, smiling to herself over the _female_ pajama pants she got to borrow.

 

She exited the bathroom, smelling like honeydew and cucumbers. Her pants hung high on her hips, and her shirt was knotted, keeping it from drowning her. Her insulin pump was clipped to her waistband, and she held her meter in hand.

 

The kitchen greeted her with the smell of garlic and warm tomato. Tony was stirring a pot, an empty soup can on the counter. She leaned on the island.

 

“Hey, Tony.” she hummed.

 

“Hey kiddo. Your soup is almost ready. Fair warning, I am a terrible cook.” he chuckled.

 

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

 

Tony gestured with his head in the direction of the overhead cabinet to his left. “That’s where the bowls are if you want to grab one.”

 

She retrieved the bowl, and held it as Tony ladled out the soup. They both sat at opposite seats of the island. Tony slid her a pack of crackers. She smiled, mute but appreciative.

 

The room was quiet for a while as she ate, Tony eventually breaking it. “Do you feel like talking?”

 

The girl shook her head.

 

“That’s okay. I’m glad I found you, though. Can you promise to let me know if you need something?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Thank you. Make sure you give insulin. I’m gonna clean up, okay?”

 

She grinned slightly, and nodded once.

 

Tony began undoing his mess. She headed wordlessly off to bed minutes later. Tony peered into her cracked door when he finished.

 

“Goodnight, Underoos.” He told her. He ducked his head back out momentarily, then he looked in once more. “I love you, kid.”

 

The room was quiet.

 

“I love you too.”


	2. they gave you all the right reasons to fuck it up. you're gonna fuck it up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her suit isn't pink, it's maroon; but nobody, not even Tony, will recognize that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this is a short chapter, and it leads directly into the chapter that will come after it (because it's contents are shaping up to be too big to fit in with this)
> 
> i don't have a beta reader so hopefully this isnt that shitty???

 

Her restless night was evident through the droopiness of her eyes and the high raspiness of her voice. Tony’s concern went noticed but ignored; she saw not reason to add to his stress. 

 

Which was one of the things she used to convince herself to stay quiet. Don’t worry Tony. 

 

Her guilt regarding their relationship was already rampant. Everytime he did something fatherly, she felt a twinge of unworthiness in her gut. She felt intense culpability for his actions; feeling as if her caliber did not match one worthy of being a child-like presence in the life of  _ Tony Stark _ . 

 

Beyond that, her petrification that he’d cause a fuss over it. Tony was the closest thing she’d had to a father since Ben- she wasn’t about to collapse this relationship like her late uncle’s lung. She wouldn't compromise over two years of building what they had. Not over something that trivial. 

 

And so, her silence felt lucid. The ache in her sternum could be nothing tantamount to the weight of what would ensue in Tony’s heart. Her burden rug on her own back. 

  
  
  


Tony greeted her that morning with a tender, albeit sapped smile. He nursed a mug of coffee, keeping it near his face to allow the steam to envelop him in warmth. The girl made her way to the fridge, pulling out the milk and strawberries.

 

Tony was the first to speak. “G’morning.”

 

“Mornin’” she murmured. Tony studied her face as she poured milk and oats into a pot. Perturbance grew on his face as he noticed her obvious lack of sleep. 

 

He said nothing of this, and moved on to another subject. “It’s nice out today.”

 

She glanced at him in a friendly manner, and then averted her eyes to the window behind his spot next to the island. She nodded once. 

 

The silence in the room got uncomfortable. The girl sliced strawberries. She deposited a few over her oats, then slid another bowl to Tony containing identical contents. She returned to her room wordlessly. Tony ate his oatmeal quietly. He didn’t know what to think. 

  
  
  


Tony worked in his lab. Mötley Crüe’s  _ ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’  _ screamed through the workspace. He did busywork, waiting on the kid to eventually come down. 

 

Tony grew restless as time trudged past. 

 

“FRIDAY, what’s Peter up to?” He called over the music. 

 

The AI took a moment to respond. “Peter does not want to be disturbed at this time.”

 

Tony let out a dismal sigh, continuing to work on the color pallete for the most recent spidey suit. 

 

Minutes later, the teenager walked through the steel doors. Faint tear stains streaked along her cheeks, an incomplete face washing loused her attempt of telling Tony she was okay. And still, with a sad, battered contortion of his eyes, he said nothing. 

 

The girl paced dutifully to his desk. She pulled her own rolling stool next to Tony, sitting atop it and resting her elbows on his desk. She considered the contents of his computer screen. 

 

She started to nibble on her nail before tactfully pulling her hand from her mouth; she didn’t want to mess up the nails she’d been growing out for weeks. “New suit design?” she murmured. 

 

“Yeah,” Tony began. “I was about to ask what you thought about it.” He felt a sense of relief that she was talking, even if she was upset.  _ Progress, _ he thought. 

 

Words fell out of her mouth thoughtlessly before she could halt them. “I don’t know about the colors.” 

 

“What about them?” Tony cocked his head to look at her. He bit his lip, slight fear he did something wrong.    
  
She could sense his heart rate rising. “I don’t like how bright they are.”

 

Tony pulled the luminosity and saturation settings to his screen. He dragged them both lower. 

 

The girl nodded. She brushed Tony’s hand away from the mouse, and drug the magentas higher and the cyans lower, leaving it more close in hue to a pomegranate rather than a tomato. 

 

She was more satisfied with the coloring. Tony looked at her, thinking. She kept her gaze locked to her marked up converse. 

 

Tony started to speak, but stopped himself. She saw it in her peripheral. 

 

“What?”

 

Tony scratched at his stubble. “Nothing.” 

 

She looked at him. “No,” she started. “You were gonna say something.”

 

Tony caved. “Pink?”

 

She smirked. “It’s not pink.” she said, because it’s not. It’s maroon and navy. 

 

“You know how the tabloids talk-”

 

She cut him off. “It’s not pink, and I don’t care.” Because it’s not pink, and she doesn’t. 

  
  
  
  


Now she cares. 

 

_ ‘Spider-Man Gay?’ ‘Tony Stark’s Iron-Spider: Pretty In Pink.’ _

 

She wills it to go away. And it doesn’t; not until she wears an old, crisp red and blue suit. And then, it was declared a publicity stunt, which hurts her worse that it hurts Stark Industries stocks. 

  
Tony caught her crying again, staring at her phone in the kitchen, nursing a glass of orange juice and a low blood sugar. She shows him her phone. He lays it on the counter, and lets her cry in his arms on the couch. This protective intimacy something that they both craved, but the girl was too closed off to ask for. Her blood sugar’s inebriation allowed her guard to be down for now.  _ Progress _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self promo, but check out my tumblr. you can send fic requests and i'll try and do them. i wont be checking til after i see endgame tho


	3. nights spent holding your shirt for the smell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony knows now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place immediately after the last chapter
> 
> (holy shit two updates in a night what the fuck)

She wakes up, arms around her like a vice grip. Tony fallen asleep, but retained his hold on the teenager. She felt a sense of vulnerability, and yet, safe. She curled back into him and allowed herself to doze again. Sleep tugged her consciousness away from her. 

 

Tony stirred, feeling the teen struggling in his grip. Her rapid exhales his his neck, and still, she slept. Tony’s mind was blanking out. He didn’t know how she dealt with panic attacks, because she never let him find out. 

 

“Peter. Pete.” He whispered at her. “You’ve gotta wake up, underoos.”

 

He pulled her closer to him, praying the weight would suffice to calm her. 

 

“Kid. C’mon.” he said, this time a bit louder. She began to rouse. 

 

She pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. He gazed back at her with warmth. In her expression, he witnessed something shatter inside her. Tears welled in her eyes, magnifying the sorrowful look of her dilated pupils. She buried her face in Tony’s chest, clinging to his neck like a sinner to an altar.

 

She sobbed. And with every cry that broke through her, Tony’s heart broke with them. He didn’t even know the reason the kid had been staying at his home for the past three weeks, nor the reason she wept in his arms. He wanted to fix it. Inside himself, he knew that whatever this was, Iron Man couldn’t fix it. And he’d never felt more helpless.

 

Tony rubbed her back as she cried, not daring to speak. Her breathing steadied, and sobs were less frequent. She pulled her head from his chest, and he wiped her tears with his thumb, resting his hand on her face, exactly like his mother did to him all those years ago when he would cry in her arms. 

 

She inhaled. “M-May kicked me out.” she whimpered.

 

Tony removed his hand from her face and found hers. He rubbed circles into the pad of her palm. 

 

“I know. I figured.” he said gingerly. 

 

She swallowed. “Do you know why?”

 

“No, kid. I don’t.” This came out as more of an apology than a confession. 

 

“Do- do you want to?” she choked. 

 

“I want to know anything you’re willing to tell me.” 

 

She struggled to will the words to fruition. “She kicked me out because- because I- be-because I’m-” 

 

His tone, like his expression, was solemn. “It’s okay, Peter.” he began. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want t-”

 

“I’m trans.” she exhaled. Tony’s head tilted, as if he didn’t hear her right. 

 

“What?”

 

“May kicked me out-” she whispered. “Be-because she’d have rathered a dead nephew. Than-than me.” 

 

“Can I hug you?” was all Tony could say. 

 

The girl nodded, and leaned back into him. 

 

“I don’t really know or understand anything about this.” Tony quietly confessed. “But I’m in your corner.”

 

“Thank you.” she mustered out. 

 

“Is- is this why you wouldn’t let me take you shopping? And why you were so upset about the tabloids talking about the color of your suit?” 

 

Tony felt her nod. 

 

“So- you- are a girl, right?” Tony tripped over his words

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you want me to call you a girl?” 

 

“When it’s just us, please.”

 

“Of course.” Tony paused. “Are you gonna change your name?”

 

“Yeah. I don’t know what to, yet.”

 

“When you figure it out, let me know.” 

 

“I will.”

  
  
  


The two had barely spoken since the day prior, digesting the words they spoke before acting on them. 

 

They were working on a new suit, when Tony called her ‘Spider-Girl’. She grinned massively, before correcting him. 

 

“Spider-Woman sounds better.” she stated, stirring a fluid over a bunsen burner. 

 

“Okay, Spider-Woman.” 

 

They both chuckled at their own silliness, before looking back at their projects. 

 

“Let me know if you want the press to know.”

 

“Why would I want that when my body looks like,” she gestured to herself. “This.”

 

“You don’t have to look like that forever if you don’t want to.” Tony said. He caught her gaze. “I’ve done some researching.”

 

“You didn’t have to do that, Tony.” She turned her burner off.

 

“But I wanted to.” 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“If you  _ ever _ need something- anything- please, come to me. I’m serious. I have access to resources of so many kinds.”

 

“I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”  

 

“Promise?” 

 

“Promise.”

  
  
  


The girl laid in her bed, allowing a soft stream of tears to escape onto her pillowcase. 

 

She listened intently to her playlist. The compilation was filled with songs that helped her cope, or at the very least, feel less isolated. She hated the isolation more than anything else. Music used to be the only thing she had. 

 

That night, she’d had two songs looping in her subconscious.  _ We Laugh At Danger (And Break All the Rules) _ by Against Me!- as well as  _ Androgynous _ by The Replacements. She identified with the characters of these songs more than she cared to admit. 

 

“Mary Jane Parker.” She said aloud. She smiled to herself wiping the tears from her eyes. She let herself drift, and, for once, she slept through the night. 

  
  
  


“Hey, Tony?” she said across the island. She sat down to check her blood sugar before she made breakfast.  

 

The man swallowed his mouthful of coffee. “Mhm?”

 

“Wh- What do you think about Mary Jane? As my name?” she offered. Her voice was shaky, and yet excitement filled it. 

 

Tony smiled with everything he had. “I think it’s perfect.”

 

With her anxiousness, she rambled. “You don’t have to say ‘Mary Jane’ every time you refer to me, of course. You can say a nickname or-”

 

“I get it, kid. I get it.” Tony grinned. “Can I call you Janie? That’s from a song that reminds me a lot of you.”

 

She nodded. “Androgynous? That’s kinda what I named myself after.” 

 

“I am so proud of you for that.” 

 

“Thanks.” she got up, then pulled the eggs from the fridge. “Do you want eggs?”

 

“Sure. Do you mind making some for Pepper? She got home from the business trip last night.”

 

“Of course not.” She smiled.

 

“Do-” Tony started. He bit his tongue. “Do you want to tell Pepper?” 

 

“Yeah, actually.” 

 

“Tell Pepper what, exactly?” a voice echoed down the hall. 

 

Janie looked at Tony, then looked at Pepper. She nonchalantly cracked an egg. 

 

“I wanted to let you know, uh-” Another egg. “I’m trans.”

  
“Oh, cool.” Pepper said. She maneuvered behind Tony to get to the coffee maker. 

 

“And I’d like it if you called me ‘she’ and ‘Mary Jane’.” she added. 

 

“Mary, honey, of course.” Pepper said tenderly, pouring her coffee into a mug. She pulled Janie into a side hug. 

  
Tony smiled at them.  _ Those are my girls _ , he thought before he could stop himself. Except, Mary Jane  _ isn’t  _ his, legally speaking. She’d been living here a month, with no attempted contact from May. Perhaps that would change. 


	4. these kinds of lies have consequences (so many possibilities for this all to end badly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> f slur tw

Janie tapped her pencil in secession with her heartbeat. She bolted out the door with the bell, anxious to desert the school. 

 

Tony picked her up, dressed down as to not arouse attention. She slid into the passenger seat of the sedan, slinging her bag in the back. 

 

Tony roughed her hair. “How was school, kiddo?” 

 

“It was good. I only got called a faggot twice; pretty astounding” she deadpanned.

 

Tony glared at her. “ _ Only _ twice? You mean getting called a faggot at all is good thing?”

 

She shifted in her seat. “It’s less than normal. I skipped lunch to study with MJ, so nobody really saw me to say anything.”

 

The car rolled to a halt at a stop sign. Tony looked at her empathetically. “Have you told your friends yet?”

 

“No.” 

 

“Are you ever gonna tell them?”

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

Tony pulled into a parking space. “Let’s not worry about that now. Let’s get you some clothes. And some food. Don’t want your blood sugar dropping.” 

  
  
  


God, this felt weird. 

 

Tony stood outside the dressing room door as she tried on bras. And she  _ did not _ want him there. He made no big deal of it, deeming it not to be awkward at all. But she felt mortified that  _ Tony Stark _ was buying her anything- much less  _ underwear _ .

 

The man, of course, sent the girl to the register to pay by herself with cash. Tony Stark buying a teenager bras would be  _ all over _ the tabloids if he hadn’t. 

 

They also hit a few other stores, Janie being extremely adamant that that  _ no  _ she  _ did not _ want to go into the goddamn Gucci store. 

 

They did make it out with numerous bags of clothing, however. Tony was nearly as happy as Janie. Her smile made the risk of the trip far more than worth it. 

  
  
  


Janie felt culpable for allowing Tony to spend all that money on her. Almost six-hundred dollars. He didn’t seem to care, but even as she slid on her new pajama set, she felt immense guilt. 

 

She’d had a panic attack when she counted the receipts left in her clothing bags. The attack escalated, quickly turning into one of dysphoria and unworthiness, and her role as a ‘superhero’; though she hated the term. She now completely ignored the slips of paper discarded on the carpet. 

 

Pepper heard her crying through the walls as she went to get water late in the night. She rapped twice on her door. 

 

“Mary Jane? Are you okay?”

 

She sniffed. “Y-yeah. I’m fine.”

 

“I could hear you crying, can I come in?”

 

“No, Ms. Potts. Thank you.”

 

Pepper sighed. “Do you want me to get Tony?”

 

There was a small stretch of silence. “Please?”

 

Pepper begrudgingly returned to her and Tony’s room. She shook the man’s shoulder.

 

“Mary Jane’s crying.” 

 

Tony scrambled up. “Wha- Why? Does she need something?”

 

“She said she wants you.” Pepper declared. She laid back down. Tony left the room. She never got her water. 

 

“Janie, honey?” Tony said through the door.    
  


He heard a ‘thwip’ and the door unlocking. He slowly pushed the door open. 

 

Mary Jane sat on her bed, folded into herself. She clutched her knees, rocking, weeping. 

 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Tony climbed onto her bed. She leaned into him.

 

“What’s wrong, Janie?”

 

“I’m w-worthless.” she sputtered. Tony held her tighter. 

 

“You’re far from worthless, kiddo. You mean so much.”

 

“I haven’t been on patrol in three weeks.” 

 

“That doesn’t mean you’re worthless, kid. You’re tired.”

 

“Th-the dys-dysphoria is so bad.” she pressed her face into his chest. 

 

Tony stroked her hair. “I know. I know it is, spidey.”

 

“Everyone,” she hiccuped. “-will think of me as Spider- _ Man _ . I can’t handle it. I can’t handle looking like this and hearing it anymore.”

 

Tony said nothing. He continued to rock her.    
  


“Do you want me to make the press conference?”

 

“God- no. Not now.” 

 

The room fell silent, apart from a few choked sobs and gasps between. 

 

“I need to go on estrogen.” she whispered clearly. 

 

“I-” Tony began. He sighed. “I can’t make that call, because technically, you’re not mine.”

 

Janie looked at Tony, and shattered.

 

“May will be served with custody transfer papers first thing tomorrow. I promise.”

 

“Are you- are you going to adopt me?”

 

“If you’ll allow me to.” 

 

“Please.”

  
  
  


Tony kept his promise. 

 

At seven on the dot the following morning, two suited men appeared at May’s apartment door, with stacks of papers. 

 

May signed them without question. 

 

And when Mary Jane found out, it hurt her worse than the first time she was pushed away. 

 

It hurt Tony nearly as much. And the night after the case was settled, they both sat on the couch and cried; Pepper glaring from afar. He never told her. 

  
  
  


Pepper and Tony  _ really  _ fought for the first time in nearly two years the next morning when Janie left for school.

 

“When did you intend on telling me you were adopting a  _ fucking kid _ that you’ve known for  _ two years _ ?” Pepper spat. She pressed a finger to Tony’s chest. 

 

“I couldn’t let you tell me no.” 

 

“You’re picking this- this fucking  _ teenage vigilante  _ punk-ass- over  _ me _ ? What about what I want, Tony? What about what I  _ need _ ?”

 

Tony stared into Pepper’s eyes. “I love you, Pep.” he attempted to cup her jaw in his hand. 

 

“Don’t ‘I love you, Pep’ me. I can’t stay here right now. Ten years, and for what? This? Adopting  _ Spider-Man _ ?”

 

“Spider- _ Woman _ . And no, not ten years for  _ anything _ . Our relationship has  _ nothing  _  to do with her!”

 

Pepper got quiet. “You tell her more about yourself than you tell me, Tony.” 

 

Tears pricked in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” he said, after a pause. 

 

“Are you?” 

 

Pepper threw a bag together and left, leaving her lipstick-stained coffee mug on the counter. Tony laid under a blanket on the couch for the rest of the day. He didn’t want to bury himself in his- no,  _ their _ bed. 

  
  


 

The silence in the car on the way home from school was thick. Janie knew something was wrong from Tony’s lack of jokes; lack of small talk and witty comments. 

 

“Tony?” She said.

 

“Yeah, Jane?” He spoke softly. 

 

“I’m gonna skip the ‘are you okay’; what happened?”

 

The car screeched to a stop, Tony barely avoiding running the light. “You’ll figure it out.”

 

And when she saw the blanket on the couch, the open bedroom door, and the lipstick-stained mug, she knew. And she let him sleep in her bed, hugging him as he cried; because she’d do anything for him he’d do for her. 


	5. to sprout wings as we fall (to be real, don't want my friends dead at all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: alcohol, self harm mention

Tony knew that Pepper always came back. No matter what he did, or how terribly he fucked up. She  _ always _ came back. 

 

Except that this time felt different than all the others. This time Tony knew he did the right thing; albeit poorly executed. So why would Pepper leave in the first place?

  
  
  


Janie didn't sleep the night Pepper left. She stayed up, waiting, in case Tony woke up, again; in a cold sweat, crying, asking for Pepper. Something she couldn't give him. 

 

She broke away long enough to make breakfast. She made oatmeal, a special shared favorite between herself and Tony. She woke him, and made him coffee. She watched intently, making sure he finished his bowl. She left for school wordlessly. She cupped his face in her hand and kissed his forehead, then paced out the door.  _ Progress _ .

  
  
  


Janie texted Tony and told him not to bother picking her up. She took the metro, but didn't take her stop. 

 

She hopped out of the train twenty blocks before her usual stop. 

 

She slid a note into the letterbox adjacent to the apartment door. 

 

The note read:

 

_ May, _

_ This is my last attempt at communication with you. I want to have you in my life, but don't have to. _

 

_ If you are not willing to do what it takes to be around, then so be it. It is you that will be alone, not me.  _

 

_ No matter what, I wish you well. I wish absolutely no harm to you. _

 

__                              -Mary Jane Parker _ _

 

  
  
  


Tony was too inebriated to notice that Janie came in an hour later than normal. 

 

When she saw the empty vodka bottle on the coffee table, she mustered the rest of her strength to not cry. Tony hadn't gotten drunk in the three years she’d known him. She knew his past.  

 

She screwed the cap of the bottle back on, and chucked it. She left a glass of water in its place, then woke Tony. 

 

He was wasted. His alcohol tolerance drastically decreased from the last few years of drinks few and far between. He was hit with nausea the moment he awoke, and Janie lead him to the bathroom in perfect timing for him to vomit into the toilet. She rubbed his back as he retched. 

 

Tony cried as he vomited. He was murmuring undistinguishable words that Mary Jane couldn't make sense of, but she assumed them to be about Pepper. 

 

He weakly reached up and flushed the toilet, then looked to the teenage girl beside him.

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

Janie stared at him. She reached for his hand. He broke her gaze. 

 

“Tony.” she pressed.

 

The man met her eyes again. 

 

“You-” she began. Her words left her brain before exiting through her tongue. “-don’t have to hurt yourself because of this.”

 

“I don’t want to.” He buried his face in his free hand. 

 

“I know you don’t.” Janie patted his knee. “I know you don’t.” 

 

Tony’s face contorted, showing fear, and sorrow, and yet, still, comfort. 

 

“How do you know?” he asked. 

 

“Because I’ve had a razor to my wrist without the desire to hurt myself.” 

  
  
  


The next night, Janie faked her way through her homework, just so she could focus more on keeping an eye on Tony. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, but felt him to be more important to her than rest. She saw it her duty to keep him up until he had the strength to do it himself. 

 

She got a text from an unknown number a few days later, reading;

 

_ I’m not mad at you. I need a break. - VPP _

 

Janie knew fully well who it was. She didn’t reply to the text. She let it sit in her notifications tab. She did everything she could to ignore it for three days. 


	6. i don't know why you stuck with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am literally so sorry it took me so long to update. ive been trying to figure out where i want this story to go and all that and got caught up in that rather than writing. 
> 
> also, the pacing in this is fucked. so im gonna fix that, as well as having longer chapters with more events and(maybe?) less dialogue. also my formatting is ugly i promise itll get better soon. 
> 
> anyways, enjoy this chapter!!

Pepper worked herself to death so she wouldn’t have to experience the guilt. She replied to every email in her personal, and business emails, as well as clearing every notification from her work phone. She did all these things over the course of a night.

The second evening, she sent Mary Jane a text message. She was short and unsweet, though she wanted to apologize. She really didn’t hate this kid. She just hated Tony’s recklessness. She hated feeling like an afterthought. She hated not getting any attention anymore.

But she checked out of her hotel on the third night. She got in her rental car, and started driving; she didn’t even know where.

 

Janie never asked Tony when he would make her therapy appointment.

She remembered this at three in the morning. She’d heard a soft knock on her balcony door, rustling, and whispering. She pulled her webshooters onto her wrists.

She slowly unlocked and opened the door without checking for who it was. Webs ready;

Pepper.

It was Pepper.

And she was crying.

Mary Jane wrapped her arms around her, and Pepper dropped her bag to the floor. She sobbed into the teen girl’s shoulder.

“Hey, uh FRIDAY? Don’t tell Tony that Pepper is here.”

 

“I have to go to school or I’d stay.”

“No, no. It’s okay. You go.”

“If either one of you gets hurt-”

“It’s okay, Janie.” Pepper breathed.

“Don’t kill him.”

“Have a good day at school.”

Mary Jane nodded. She locked eyes with Pepper before slipping out the door. She was fairly certain she failed her math test that morning.

 

“Pepper.”

“Tony.”

The man walked into the kitchen expecting a kid rushing to scrape cereal into her mouth. Instead, he saw her. A lump built in his throat.

“Tony I’m-”

Tony slowly walked to her, head tilted. He wrapped his arms around her, and she froze under his grasp. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Pepper.”

“I am too.”

 

The house was quiet when Jane arrived from school. She took this as a sign to rest, and with tired eyes, she laid on her bed, with her shoes still laced to her feet.

She slept through dinner, and part of the night; she woke up sobbing.

And Tony was right there when she had her knees pulled to her chest.

He sat on her bad and pulled her into his lap. She rested her head on his chest. Her tears fell onto him, darkening the pale grey of his t-shirt. Tony stroked her hair.

He whispered to her, talking as much as possible. He knew she wanted something to focus on. “Hey, Spider-Girl, what’s goin’ on, kid?”

She curled in closer to him. Words would not come to her mouth, frustrating her further. Tony continued to rock her.

She did eventually speak.

“N-nightmare.” she murmured.

Tony hardly heard her. Her face was buried in the fabric of his cotton top, distorting the sound.

“I didn’t hear you, kid. I’m sorry.”

She pulled her face away, this time just leaning her head on him. She listened intently to his heartbeat.

“I-I had a n-nightmare.”

All he said was “I’m sorry.”, but he’d had a nightmare, too.

“They-they hurt m-me.”

Tony’s voice bordered on breaking. “Mary Jane.”

“Yeah?”

He paused. “Can you look at me?”

She lifted her head off of his chest. She focused directly into his eyes, seeing an utmost sincerity in them.

“As long as I’m breathing, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Janie’s lips held slightly parted. She couldn’t get her mouth to begin speaking.

“That has been true since Germany, kid.”

“W-why?”

“I know how it feels to not have anyone.”

“I-In the n-nightmare,”

“Who hurt you?”

Jane looked at him like she felt cracks down her sides. “These m-muggers and t-then a kid from sch-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Soft tears fell from her eyes. “P-people knew that Spider-Man was trans a-and everyone tried t-to hurt me.”

“And the kid from school?”

“He bullies me for being too feminine.”

Tony wiped the tears from her eyes. “If anyone does anything to you, I will find out, and they will regret it.”

“I’m scared.”

“I am too.”

Janie considered her next words. “W-will you-” She stopped.

“Will I what, Janie?”

“N-nothing, it’s not impor-”

“Everything you say is important. You don’t talk much anymore.”

“I just-”

Tony scanned her face. “It’s okay.”

She sighed. “I don’t want to put any more burdens on you.”

  
“Oh, kid.” Tony pulled her to him, engulfing her into a hug. “You’re never a burden.”

“Can you make my therapy appointment?”

“You’ll have the best.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, kid.”

“I kinda crashed after school.”

“Yeah, FRIDAY said you were sleeping when I tried to call you for dinner.”

“What did you have?”

“We made spaghetti.”

Janie made a noise of acknowledgment.

Tony bit his lip, then smiled. “Pepper’s back.”

“Good.”

“Better than good.”

“You should go back to her. I’ll be okay.”

“Will you?”

“If I’m not, you’ll know.”

Janie crawled out of Tony’s lap and under her duvet.

“Goodnight, Spider-Girl.”

“Spider-Woman.”

Tony chuckled, pulling the door closed. A moment later, he cracked it back open.

“...I love you.”

“Love you too.”


	7. update

I have decidex that I'm going to rewrite this book. 

Mostly because I think the pacing is terrible. 

All central events will happen, some scenes may even be copied over; but this book needs an overhaul. Rewrite chapter 1 up this weekend. 

 

 


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